review

Valentine’s Adventure (A Few Weeks Late…)

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Hello again avid followers and curious newcomers!

As the title suggests, this was meant to be posted closer to Valentine’s Day, but shlit happens and here we are. The important thing is not the when, but the what, and the what would be two movies that I saw around Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is a day many people dread. Whether you are single or in a relationship, this Hallmark Holiday is usually stressful, upsetting, disappointing, or just really nothing special at all. To avoid celebrating this holiday, my Dear One and I went to the movies the Sunday before the prolific holiday, and I was ecstatic.

The two movies we saw together were none other than Sci-Fi epic Jupiter Ascending and Medievalist Fantasy flick Seventh Son. Here I am going to warn you all, my opinion on these films will not match up with the reviews of “professional” critics or film snobs, but my reasons for adoring these films are not just the effect of “guilty pleasure”. No. My reasons for liking these films will be succinct, logical, and hopefully able to reaffirm or encourage interest in both of these box office flops.

First and foremost I will address Jupiter Ascending, which did considerably better than Seventh Son. Created by the same minds behind The Matrix Trilogy, Jupiter Ascending follows somewhat the same line of philosophical and religious creativity.

The story follows a young woman named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) who discovers she is in fact (SPOILER ALERT) the reincarnation of a galactic human queen. With the help of some fallen angels (Sean Bean and Channing Tatum), Jupiter ascends to her role as a royal in order to save the Earth from being harvested in order to create nectar (which is basically vaporized humans which keeps the aristocratic humans in space young).

To some, this may seem like a silly idea, but I think it’s quite clever. Jupiter Ascending should not be viewed as a simple movie. Unlike The Matrix before it (I’m not counting the sequels here), this film should be absorbed in a way that is completely different from what people are used to. For you see… Jupiter Ascending is a traditional epic myth. That’s right, this film falls under the same genre as Homer and Hesiod and Ovid.

Let me explain.

This film acts as a traditional epic myth, with a heroic character with something special about her (in this case a reincarnation of a queen) who goes on a 3 step adventure against forces which slowly become more dangerous. She goes into the Otherworld (or outer space) and there meets characters such as the tyrant, the trickster and the enchantress (the three royal siblings), and must follow her own instincts to complete her quest and save the world. For anyone who has studied mythology, it should be pretty obvious that Jupiter Ascending is drawing from the ancient oral traditions and turning it into a film. I believe it is because of this fact that Jupiter Ascending has not received the same praise as The Matrix, which follows the more recognizable Jesus Christ storyline as opposed to an epic myth.

Speaking of Jesus, this film also draws more from eastern religions as opposed to western religions — Hinduism and Buddhism are the most obvious to see. There are, however, angels and fallen angels (who are in fact just galactic cops with gene-spliced wings). There are also explanations for alien sightings, the dinosaur extinction, crop circles, werewolves, and ancient gods, such as the Greek and Roman gods (nectar was what they drank to remain immortal) and Hindu gods (one of the characters we meet is a human/elephant splice named Nesh — he’s awesome). This film also takes an interesting twist on aliens, explaining that there is no such thing, simply humans who aren’t from Earth and possible a splice with some kind of animal (wolves in the case of Channing Tatum and bees in the case of Sean Bean).

The costume design, the makeup, and the production design (specifically the design of the ships) is incredibly beautiful and well crafted. It’s obvious that a lot of people put a hell of a lot of effort into this film, which is always nice to see.

The acting was well done too. Mila Kunis does a great job as Jupiter, and the chemistry between her and Channing Tatum was so sweet. It felt real and their sometimes awkward conversations reminds me of anyone who has a crush on someone who seems out of his/her league and they’re not entirely sure what to say. It’s adorable. It’s also refreshing how quickly the dialogue goes. Very rarely do you feel like you’re being talked down to because the audience has no idea what’s going on. You learn along with Jupiter, and often the learning experience comes from just watching, same as if you were thrust into an epic quest (you kind of have to learn on your feet and pay attention, which if you’re not prepared for would explain why some people would get confused by this movie). The siblings are all fun to watch and fun to try and figure out. It’s also interesting to see them interacting with Jupiter, who is the reincarnation of their mother, and how they treat her like a mother despite her being several millennia younger than them. Eddie Redmane as the oldest brother and veritable “final boss” of the film is great as this ancient, entitled threatening figure, keeping his voice low, as if he is so old that he doesn’t see the point in raising his voice unless absolutely necessary. It’s obvious he had fun with this role, which again, is nice to see and makes him fun to watch.

I can, of course, see why people wouldn’t like this film, but I also think people are trying to take too much out of it. I feel like Jupiter Ascending isn’t trying to be some fantastic Oscar-winning gem of philosophical brilliance. It’s trying to be a fun, modern twist on an ancient story-telling method that incorporates myth from all over the globe, which keeps it near and dear to my heart. If you’re someone who loves things like Star Wars as well as Clash of the Titans and Jason and the Argonauts, this is the film for you!

The next film is Seventh Son, a film based on a fantasy book called The Spook’s Apprentice by Joseph Delaney. Featuring the talents of Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore and Jeff Motherfuckin’ Bridges, this film is definitely closer to the guilty pleasure section of my film repertoire. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before from movies like Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, or even Stardust, but it was hella fun. This is something I can see myself throwing on in the background while I’m doing some homework or something and being able to get a few laughs as well as the classic rush of watching magic battles and giant monsters.

Jeff Bridges plays the delightfully grumpy Spook, John Gregory, on the hunt for Julianne Moore as Mother Malkin, the most evil witch in all the land. With the help of Ben Barnes as the seventh son of the seventh son Tom Ward, they hunt down Malkin and her witchy minions before the blood moon and her rise to power becomes utterly unstoppable.

With some twists and turns I didn’t see coming, not to mention the entertaining chemistry between Bridges and Barnes, Seventh Son was one hell of a ride that I found damn entertaining and offered my Dear One and I a great inside joke (“Fucking Witches!!!”). Julianne Moore is a great villain, and her costume is fantastic. Her army of witches is just awesome and the battles between them and the Spooks is just awesome to watch. Of course there’s the kind of lame love story mushed in, but it’s not so bad. Really the only issue I have with it is the fact that the girl, Alice (Alicia Vikander) is a weakling witch. Seriously, she’s directly related to Mother Malkin and her sister, both frightening blood witches who can turn into dragons, and she does jack all except teleport. She’s so useless and I don’t understand why…

Other than that I have very little to complain about. Seventh Son knows what it is and doesn’t try to be anything grander. It’s a fun time waster that you can watch if you’re in the mood for something like Legion but you want to keep your dignity. (No offence to Legion or its fans — seriously, no judging here!)

So finishes my account of my Valentine’s Adventure. I added two movies to my repertoire of watchable and liked, and something I am more than happy to share with the world. If you’re not a movie snob and are willing to sit back and have some fun, watch these movies. If you are a movie snob, learn to lighten up! Not everything has to be considered ‘art’ to be a fantastic experience.

Until next time. Love,

TheMadCEHMist ❤

How Disney’s “Frozen” Could Have Been Cooler.

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Everyone seems to love Disney’s Frozen. Whether you are new to the Disney name or an old fan, Frozen definitely harkens to the good old days of the Disney Renaissance period, which as everyone knows began with The Little Mermaid and ended roughly around Pocahontas. Since then, Disney was having troubles enrapturing its audiences through animated film, relying on Pixar to take up the reigns.

Eventually, Disney decided to go back to the world of animated film and tried again to spark interest with the film The Princess and the Frog, a cute film based in an era and a place closer to audiences than “Once Upon A Time”, which was refreshing. It also offered a more colourful cast, which many people found refreshing. I quite liked this movie. The animation was impressive, the songs were cute and catchy, and I genuinely liked the characters. I liked how they were flawed and human yet still enchanting and cartoony. It really reminded me of some of my favourite Disney Renaissance movies, like Mulan, Aladdin, and Hercules. The colours were great, the movement was great, and though it may not replace any of my favourites from childhood it is a film I would be happy to watch whenever I felt like a good old fashioned Disney animated film.

Most people, apparently, didn’t feel the same way. The Princess and the Frog wasn’t the success Disney had hoped it would be, with Rapunzel sweeping in and taking all of the glory. I guess Disney took this as “2D animation is dead” and so their next princess film would be in the same 3D animation style as their more popular film.

Animation, no matter what it is, will always be impressive to me and make me wish it was something I was more passionately attuned to. However, I’ve always had more of a soft spot for classic, 2D, hand-drawn animation. I’ve even found myself pausing youtube for talented animators and watching their 30 second videos just for fun to watch how they’ve made these simple paper drawings move and interact with one another. I just think it’s really cool and, when done well, is more immersive than 3D animation. This is my own personal bias though, so I can understand why Disney moved toward 3D.

But, other than to attract an audience, Frozen had no need to be animated in a 3D environment, and honestly I would have liked it more had it been done in 2D. I’ve run this through my head, offered this idea to other people, and my opinion has not changed. Rapunzel made sense. Her hair, her environment, the lanterns, the kind of action needed — that movie fit within my expectations of what a 3D animated film should be. If you’re going to use CGI, whether it’s in an animated film or a live-action film, you have to use it properly and for a purpose, not just because that’s what everyone else is doing. Big Hero 6 also fits what I believe should be a 3D animated film — high, quick action, big movement, and comedy. Think Hotel Transylvania for a great example. Frozen just does not fit.

This film, inspired by the really dark Hans Christian Anderson story, is not all about quick action or comedy. It fits back with the heartfelt, character studying type stories of the Disney Renaissance and The Princess and the Frog. Not saying that you can’t do a heartfelt story with 3D animation, I mean Pixar’s been doing it for years almost perfectly right? But Pixar knows how to deliver comedy as well which uses the animation to the fullest, just like how Disney used to know how to use 2D animation to its fullest. Anyway, my point is, why couldn’t Frozen have been 2D?

My other issue with 3D animation is that the pretty females all look IDENTICAL. I mean, I had to do some serious googling before I found a picture of Misses Rapunzel, Anna, and Elsa all lined up before I could pick out facial differences. I mean, outside of hair and clothing, these princesses look waaaaaay too similar. I mean, you could never mistake Cinderella for Belle or Ariel for Aurora, but take away the hair and clothes and leave us with a bald model, I would honestly have trouble telling them apart. And obviously 3D animation can allow for some very cool and unique models (ahem PIXAR) but Disney just kind of got lazy…or at least it seems that way. It’s like they went “Okay, we’ll make the hot boys look different from Flynn Ryder, but who is going to notice the similarities between GIRLS? I mean, all pretty girls look the same right?”….. just lazy.

And I know that Anna and Elsa weren’t supposed to look like twins because I’ve seen the original 2D sketches of them BEFORE they were turned into 3D models. They look like Disney princesses and they made the nostalgic child in me leap and yearn for a 2D animated classic. I mean, the character designs are GORGEOUS and you should really look them up! Why couldn’t they have taken more risks with the models? Why couldn’t they have just made them unique instead of “drop dead gorgeous”? Why couldn’t they be 2D?!

And I know what everyone’s thinking, “What about the Let it Go sequence with the ice palace and blah blah blah….sure they couldn’t have made it THAT impressive in 2D”. I agree. The animation done on the ice palace was gorgeous. It was perfect and I loved it. That was the one thing that stumped me until I saw a spoof of the song where someone drew a male version of Elsa frolicking through the snow singing “Let It Go”. His environment was 3D animation, yet he was in the old fashioned 2D style animation, and it looked AWESOME. This was an amateur animator posting something on youtube and it looked bloody impressive…just imagine what a professional studio could do!!! Not to mention, go back and really pay attention to those old Disney movies. A lot of them use CGI animation for background work. Seriously. It can be done, and it can look really good.

Other than my disappointment in the lack of focus when it came to the animation, I feel like Disney didn’t put in all their effort to the story either. GASP. That’s right. I said it. One of the things I don’t like about Frozen is its actual storyline. I like aspects of it, but it seems like Disney just fell into lazy mode and asked “What will these new kiddies and their parents like? How can we make money?”

Way number one? Likeable protagonists. As strange as that sounds. Honestly, the fact that Anna is such a perfect little sister bothers me. I mean, I know she loses her memory (which is stupid and is NOT explained AT ALL and serves no purpose to the story, and in fact RUINS it. I’ll explain later!), the fact is this child grows up in a home where her sister is shut off from her, given special treatment by her parents, and basically ignored and left to wander around the palace bored. I would be pissed. Like, beyond jealous, bitter, and angry. And I’m an only child. I can’t imagine someone with siblings imagining this type of a scenario. Anna should have turned into a psychopathic teenager who’d do anything to get attention. Think Aladdin without the thieve’s heart of gold. Just a little shit who does anything for a thrill and anything to get attention, good or bad. And if being raised in an environment like that wouldn’t make her bitter, being ignored by her sister at their parents’ FUNERAL would. For all Anna knows, when she sits outside Elsa’s door waiting to see if her estranged sister will finally make a bloody appearance and they can comfort each other like a family is supposed to do when bad things happen, Elsa isn’t even listening as her sister begs to be let into her life again. This should have been the final straw that breaks the camel’s back. That should have placed a barrier between them where Anna is bitter and angry and Elsa is guilty and depressed. They god Elsa right, but who’s ever heard of a Disney princess with human emotions?… Other than Giselle.

This sibling enmity would have made an amazing film. Not only would this be the first Disney flick with a grey-area character who needs to actually learn to be a better person, it would make the fucking ending MAKE SENSE. When Elsa is about to be murdered by Hans and Anna has to make the choice to save her own life through true love’s kiss or save her sister’s life, she chooses to turn back and save her sister….whoop de fucking do. If that wasn’t the damn CLIMAX of the fucking movie I wouldn’t be bothered. But no. That’s it. Anna’s decision is the climax, the turning point, the final action before the eventual denouement AND IT’S PAINFULLY PREDICTABLE.

It’s not a fucking sacrifice if the answer is OBVIOUS. I mean COME ON, of course the good sister Anna is going to turn around, forget about boys, and jump in front of Elsa before the sword comes down. What? Were we supposed to be surprised? Moved? Well call me heartless but I’m not moved by things I see coming a mile away (figuratively of course). Had there been some actual suspense in the moment, had this act of true love been a real sacrifice and a chance for Anna to prove her love after all the years of estrangement, then I believe Frozen would have earned more of my respect than it actually did. And everyone I’ve shared this opinion with has agreed with me.

Outside of some of the songs, some likeable characters, some great visuals, and Alan Tudyk, Frozen is a meh movie that I think was blown out of proportion because of one song. As great as that song is, one musical number does not make a film.

Love,

TheMadCEHMist

P.S. Don’t even get me fucking started on the trolls and that stupid fucking snowman. Then this editorial would NEVER end!!!